Forgiveness After Divorce Is Like Sending a Letter You’ll Never Get a Reply To

Forgiveness after divorce is one of the most personal, painful, and paradoxical things you’ll ever do. It feels like writing a letter you’ll never send—or worse, one you do send, but never receive a response to.

And yet, you write it anyway.

You do it not because they asked. Not because they deserve it. Not even because you’ve gotten closure. You forgive because you deserve peace. Because bitterness is a weight you weren’t meant to carry.

I titled Chapter 7 of my book Wings to Rise above Divorce "The Truth Is That Bitterness Hurts You, and Forgiveness Releases You." In it, I talk about how hard it was for me to forgive my husband—and how I didn’t truly begin to understand forgiveness until after the divorce papers were signed and he became my ex-husband. Until I needed forgiveness for my own mistakes. Until I realized that holding onto hurt was like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth: bitter, jarring, and something that lingers far too long.

Letting go of bitterness feels unfair at first. Like you’re giving up your right to be angry. Like you’re letting someone off the hook.

But true forgiveness doesn’t excuse the offense; it releases you from the prison of it. It says, “I may never get an apology, an explanation, or even acknowledgment—but I’m choosing to be free anyway.”

That’s what it means to send the letter.

Forgiveness and Divorce in the Bible

The Apostle Paul urges us in Colossians 3:13 to “make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." (NLT). That’s easier said than done when the offense is fresh, or deep, or repeated. But if we’re honest, the letter isn’t really for them. It’s for the little piece of our hearts still shackled to the pain.

Sometimes, you write the letter in your journal.

Sometimes, in prayer.

Sometimes, in tears whispered through clenched teeth while staring at a wedding photo you no longer recognize.

Maybe your letter says:

“I forgive you for the lies.”

“I forgive you for leaving when I needed you to stay.”

“I forgive you for not fighting for this.”

“I forgive you, not because it didn’t matter—but because I matter.”

And yes, sometimes the letter is to yourself.

“I forgive myself for not seeing the signs.”

"I forgive myself for the affair."

“I forgive myself for the things I said. And the things I didn’t.”

“I forgive myself for failing in a marriage I never imagined would end.”

Forgiveness after divorce isn’t tidy. It’s not linear. It doesn’t always come with a grand emotional release. Sometimes it’s quiet. Sometimes it’s done with trembling hands. But every time, it’s holy.

You might never get a reply. They may never say sorry, or thank you, or forgive you back.

They may never understand the damage they caused. And that’s okay.

Forgiveness is not a transaction—it’s an act of obedience and love. It’s choosing tenderness over toxicity. It’s saying, “I’m done dragging offense into every new day.” It’s writing the letter, sealing it with grace, and letting God handle the delivery.

Because forgiveness may not change the past—but it absolutely changes your future. And that, friend, is more than worth the postage.

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Whom do you need to forgive? Is it your spouse, yourself, or someone else? Maybe it’s all three. Write a letter of forgiveness for the situation, detailing the outcome you want, and resolve to move forward. You may not be able to send the letter to the other person, but remember: forgiveness is good for your heart and soul. Your moving forward isn’t reliant on the other person accepting or even knowing. God knows. And he’s already forgiven you.

If you're struggling with forgiveness and want to read this chapter in my book along with other Biblical principles for healing from divorce, you can buy my book Wings to Rise above Divorce on Amazon.