She Doesn’t Know it yet, but Renewal after Divorce is Possible

Have you seen the Instagram trend of "she doesn't know it yet"? It's a reel that showcases someone back in the day who doesn't know how her story is going to develop or end. I hopped on this trend and used it as "she doesn't know it yet, but the book she just sent to her editor will be best-selling, award-winning, and heart-healing."

In the video, I was sitting on a beach in Hawaii celebrating my birthday week. Before packing and boarding the plane, I sent my finished manuscript to my editor and she told me not to check my email or worry about what’s to come. To watch the waves— not the word count.

And while I used the trend about my book, since my book is about divorce, it got me thinking that marriage is a big "she doesn't know it yet." Looking back at your wedding day or photos, you didn't know it would end in divorce. That there would be indescribable heartbreak and hurt. That forgiveness would be out of reach. And when you do get divorced, there are many more "she doesn't know it yet" moments. You don't know when the hurt will stop. You don't know when you'll be able to see renewal. You don't know when you'll find joy again.

Transformation doesn’t always announce itself. Sometimes it begins in silence.

And divorce beings a transformation in you--just like marriage did. And you'll need the Holy Spirit to help with this transformation. And sometimes all you can do when you're sitting in the heartache of divorce, is to sit in silence and surrender it all to God.

The Sacred Significance of 40

I turned 40 while I was on that beach in Hawaii after finishing my manuscript. During the time of writing my book, because I was in such a different point in my life at 40 than I thought I'd be--childless, husbandless--I wanted to still find a way to celebrate and focus on the joys in life, and delved into the meaning of 40 in the Bible.

In the Bible, the number 40 is never random. It’s always about preparation, testing, and divine transition:

• Noah endured 40 days and nights of rain before the earth was cleansed and restored.

• Moses waited 40 years in the wilderness before stepping into leadership, then spent 40 more days on Mount Sinai receiving the law.

• Jesus fasted for 40 days in the desert before launching His public ministry.

• The Israelites wandered 40 years before stepping into the Promised Land.

Forty is a milestone in earthly years, but biblically, I poured into Exodus and the deliverance. On the journey from Egypt: “The Israelites ate manna forty years, until they came to a land that was settled; they ate manna until they reached the border of Canaan” (Exod. 16:35 NIV). Manna in the Bible is the food that God provided for them, even though they were lost in the wilderness. The number forty in the Bible often comes along periods where faith is tested, and we learn to trust God with what he gives in the present while we look toward our promise.

This time can be difficult, because what we want may not be what God gives, or we may grow tired of what he has given us. The manna provided food, but some Israelites wanted something different. As I looked back through the past forty years as I sat on that beach in Hawaii, I could see how God was with me every step of the way. The good and the bad. The tests and the victories. The shame and the redemption. The hurts and the love. He’s with you in the old, and he’ll be with you in the new.

Forty is never just a number—it’s a signal--you’re entering something new. You can hear Jesus say, "Let Me prepare you."

So as I turned 40—resting, not striving—I felt it:

God is doing something again.

Not loud. Not rushed.

But deep. Real. Holy.

I was being transformed and I didn't even know it yet.

Easter and Renewal

This week I'm getting ready to celebrate the one year anniversary of my book launch. It's also Holy Week--the week leading up to Easter Sunday. A time when Christians remember the resurrection of Jesus—the most profound renewal of all.

Easter is a promise: That even after death—even after betrayal, burial, and silence—life wins.

But resurrection doesn’t happen without waiting. There’s always a Friday--a day of mourning. There's always a Saturday--a space between the grief and the glory.

I think many of us live in those Saturdays. In the space between what was and what could be. In the quiet chapters no one sees. But Easter reminds us that God does His best work in the dark. Even when we don’t know it yet.

And though you may be feeling a Friday of great loss and mourning in your divorce, or a Saturday full of wondering when it will get better, trust and remember that Sunday is coming. And when Sunday comes, so does your renewal.

Renewal after Divorce

So if you find your self saying "my ex-spouse" and cringing a little because it's a term you'd never imagine saying--that's okay. It can be a gentle reminder: That it’s okay to honor what was. To grieve the loss. And to bless the future. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland" (Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV).

If you’re in a wilderness season—waiting, wondering, walking through the unknown—maybe this is your 40. Maybe this is your Saturday. But Easter’s coming. Renewal is rising. And God is doing a new thing…even if you don’t know it yet.

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If you are struggling after divorce to find renewal, my book Wings to Rise above Divorce, can help provide more Scripture, stories, prayers, and reflection questions on your journey to healing.