When you are healing from divorce, you have to think about the future differently. The hopes and dreams you once had on your wedding day slowly disappear through separation and divorce leaving you in the rubble wondering where to go next. When you get married, you think about all the little details that make up the wedding day, and you have all the hope for the future, but facing separation and divorce and leave you feeling less. Less than what you thought life was supposed to look like. You once had it all but that time has ended. The difference between soaring and plummeting can change in an instance.
No matter where you find yourself right now—in a lacking marriage, separated, or divorced—you will find the hope for a better future and a way to step out of the murky mud, not with your own clawing and slipping but with the power that comes when God reaches down and lends you his wings—like he did with David in Psalm 40.
Psalm 40:1-2 says "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand" (NIV). When you feel hopeless and stuck in the mud after your marriage unravels, only God can give you the wings to rise above it all. No pit is too deep for God to lift you. But we find the word "patiently" found in the first verse. Being patient while you are going through a separation or healing from divorce is difficult. You want assurance and help in the moment. When it's not clear what the future holds, being patient is not easy, but that is where faith comes in. Faith while you put your hope and wait patiently on the Lord can bring you comfort.
When you cannot find the words, try praying out verses 11-13 from Psalm 40: "Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord; may your love and faithfulness always protect me. For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. Be pleased to save me, Lord; come quickly, Lord, to help me" (NIV). Keep reciting this prayer when you are faced with trials of uncertainty while healing from divorce. When you feel as though others are against you, cannot understand what you are going through, or lack the full truth of your situation, allow God to come in and rescue every part of it.
Hope while healing from divorce
When you sit in the darkness of divorce, separation, or marital trouble, you will have a hard time seeing the light and hope for the future. When you have negative thoughts, it’s hard to flood your mind with enough positive ones to cancel out the negativity. That’s how we all feel about relationships at times, don’t we? We feel we have to try harder or put on fake smiles or do things we don’t want to in order to impress someone or make them think better of us.
The beauty in our relationship with God is that we don’t have to be someone else. Even at our worst or darkest moments, he gives us light. You only need to accept it and follow it. If you seek wisdom and God’s Word, all the negative thoughts the enemy tries to put in your head can be quenched. You don’t have to do it on your own, all alone in the dark. You also don't have to put on fake smiles while going through your divorce. You can feel the pain and address so that you can look toward the future.
God may not have designed us for divorce, but he will provide for you during that time. Don’t believe the lie that fear should win and let it make you give up on faith. Don’t believe the lie of fear that you have made too many mistakes to be used by God for his glory. Have faith that in this moment, God can come in and show you clarity for how to steward relationships that he brings to you in the future. Have faith that you can still have a pure heart, and he can make you white as snow.
Losing faith is easy when you are going through a divorce and that loss can infiltrate all parts of life. One faithless act can lead to you not having faith in your future and maybe even in the goodness of God. You let that loss of faith bleed into bad decisions. You know God has promises for you for the future that are better than you can imagine, but your past hurts too much for you to believe, and it makes your present situation one you would rather escape from than to turn to God.
Faith is looking toward the future despite what you see in your circumstances—faith is loving and forgiving someone, even though you’ve been hurt. Trust is different from faith because you generally have trust issues because of what has been done. While similar to faith, trust in relationships is more tangible. It’s easier to see where it’s been broken, and trust may impact your faith. When you have strong faith, in your relationships and in God, your actions will show it—the result is your trust.
Finding joy in the thornbushes
Whenever I question God and get scared of his plan for my life, he always shows me a sign and confirms it, easing any insecurity I had. Even on the days when I don’t see movement or feel like I’m pressing forward with no vision, I am content with where I am. I trust in God’s plan and know that even during the lackluster times or even the downright muddy times, he is still there. Whenever I start to feel uneasy or worry about my future, just like David, I recite, “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing” (Ps. 23:1 NIV). Because that’s the truth. I have all that I need in Christ but also with what he has already given me. For every bad day that I have, he brings two wonderful ones.
When you choose to believe in God’s promises, even when you may have questioned them a time or two, you can walk in redemption and renewal. Renewal can be a time when you are unsure of what the future will hold because of the newness. That’s where faith comes into play. You believe that this new thing God is doing will bring blessings to you, your family, and the Kingdom.
In your times of trials and in the wilderness, it is tempting to complain. You question why and are hurt, so you speak and act from your pain. But instead of complaining or arguing for the last word, you can turn to Jesus and give him praise—praise for what he has done and what he will do in the future. It seems counterintuitive to what you want to do, but that’s the life of being a child of God. You praise when you do not know or understand, because you do know one day, you will see it come to pass. That hope and faith are things that no one and no experience can take away from you. If Paul could praise in prison in the Bible, you can praise through a divorce, separation, or marital downfalls.
For more divorce content, prayers, and reflection questions, you can buy my book Wings to Rise above Divorce.